It’s been almost 48 hours. It’s been nearly two days since the Packers’ fourth quarter meltdown and it still hurts like crazy. It’s just a football game, a football game that I didn’t play in. But for some reason it feels like one of my friends died. That feeling is the heartbreak that sports can cause.

Coming into the game I didn’t know what to expect. I watched the line swing more and more in Seattle’s favor. Two hours before kickoff, I almost felt insulted that Vegas thought Seattle was 8 points better than the Pack. There’s no way we’d lose by 8 or more. I wasn’t sure we would win, but there was no way we would come this far and get beat by 8.

Sitting in a room with fellow Packer fans, I felt the anxiety building as the ball was kicked at 2 o’clock; so it begins. Our first drive we seemed to march right down the field, until Aaron Rodgers threw an interception in the end zone. A few four letter words were said, but ultimately I wasn’t worried after such an encouraging first drive. And then Russell Wilson threw his first interception. We had it deep in Seattle’s territory. My mind was racing. A touchdown off a turnover in the first few minutes of the game would be huge. We need to make a statement here by getting in the end zone. We come up short, walking away with only three points. We’re knocking on the door.

We kick the ball off and Doug Baldwin has the audacity to bring it out of the end zone. As he cuts up field, Brad Jones punches out the ball and the Packers have the ball. We are jumping up and down on the second floor of a friend’s house, and we can feel the floor shaking. Two turnovers in the first ten minutes? We need a touchdown here, nothing less. We get stopped inside the 5 again and walk away with three. It’s only 6-0, but I feel like we are up by 20 already. We are dominating Seattle in Seattle, and I become more and more positive that the game will keep swinging this way.

Another Russell Wilson interception, and this time we find the end zone to end the first quarter. We are up 13-0, and our defense is absolutely dominating. Our offense can’t seem to punch it in from short, but as long as we keep moving the ball, there’s no way we can lose. Seattle starts driving as the half begins to close. Wilson throws another interception, this time in the end zone as the half is closing. The Packers are going in to half up 16-0 after another Crosby field goal in the quarter. Halfway there. We are beating down Seattle at their own game. We are power running all over them with Eddie Lacy, and our defense is far too physical for their offense. We are beating the mighty Seahawks at their own game. There’s still 30 minutes to play, but there’s no way that we find a way to blow this. We are the Packers. This is what we are destined to do.

The second half starts, and I’m still flying high. We can’t get anything going on offense, but Seattle can’t either. We stop them on third down and they set up for a field goal, which they end up faking and throwing for a touchdown pass. Seattle needed trickery to get on the board. Our collective group all seemed to be laughing at the Seahawks. “If they have to use trick plays just to get on the board, there’s no chance they beat us.” 16-7 going into the fourth quarter. Now is our time to shine. We all are sitting in a room, with one hand raised to the ceiling, four fingers up. Time to punch our ticket to the Super Bowl.

We push the lead to 19-7 on another field goal in the fourth quarter. Wilson throws another interception. I am legitimately starting to lose my mind. Five minutes to go, our ball, up by twelve. Time to step on their throats and end it. And then, it happened: the implosion. The conservative play calling that leads to us punting. Seattle marching down the field and pounding it into the end zone. The Bostick onside kick. The Marshawn Lynch touchdown. The dead duck two point conversion. Down three with little hope, and under two minutes on the clock. Exactly what America saw coming. The Packers get the ball and I can barely watch. My hands are folded, and I am praying like crazy. God can’t love the Seahawks. Well maybe he can, but he has to love the Packers more, right? My prayers are answered when Mason Crosby hits the most critical field goal of his career from 48 yards out to tie up the game. Overtime.

At this point I wasn’t surprised that Seattle won the toss. I wasn’t surprised when they took the ball right down the field and scored a game winning touchdown. I wasn’t surprised when I saw death threats towards Brandon Bostick on my twitter feed. Heck, I even lost my cool for a few minutes and let out a very harsh tweet towards one former NBA player who claimed the Seahawks were a better team that day, which I quickly deleted after I realized what I said. My friends and I began to walk the streets and it seemed as if all of Wisconsin was collectively crying. We made our way to the local bar, because at this point, beer was the only thing that made sense any more.

That night, I couldn’t even sleep. At four in the morning I woke up from a nightmare where I was Brandon Bostick, and the ball bounced off my face on the onside kick. Yes, you read that correctly. I had an onside kick nightmare, where I was Brandon Bostick. I lay in bed, scrolling through tweets, reading about other Packers’ fans sorrow, trying to see if anyone else was in as much agony as I am. “Just had to convince friend (a Packers fan) not to jump off the roof. This is not a drill.” Ok, so at least it’s not just me. 

Thanks, Lance. You ruined football forever.

Living in Wisconsin for almost 22 years has taught me that three things are certain in life. Church is on Sunday morning with your family, beer can be drank at any time, with anything, and the results of a Packer game will decide how your week will go. If they win, you are bound to have a good week. If they lose, don’t even bother getting out of bed on Monday, because this week is going to be the worst week of your life. It is hard to find a fan base that is so passionate about their team. People in Wisconsin love the Packers, and when the Packers blew their fourth quarter lead on Sunday, January 18th, 2015, all of Wisconsin was in pain. It’s just a game, and in the grand scheme of life it doesn’t matter, but this one really hurt. I’m still trying to find meaning in this week. My friends are all walking to class with their heads down, seemingly carrying the weight of the worlds on the shoulders. Our conversations are dominated by trying to figure out where things went wrong. We’re still searching for that answer, and I don’t see us finding it anytime soon.

By this time next week, I can’t imagine that I will still feel this kind of pain over a football game that I wasn’t even a part of. For years to come, I’m sure people will talk about this game and how close we were. The pain and sorrow that all Packers’ fans seem to be feeling is only temporary, but it feels like it’s going to be a part of all of us for the rest of our lives. I sure hope we can all find a way to move on, because right now, life in Wisconsin seems pretty pointless. I’ll tell you one thing though: I sure as hell will not be watching the Super Bowl this year.

For tweets about all things sport, namely the Packers, Brewers, Badgers, Bucks, Duke Blue Devils, and Chelsea FC, follow me on Twitter @jmarose47